Freshman year continues

More anger, more questions

Hello dear one,

Displaying anger again less then a week later… When I look back without reading this journal, I do remember being angry a lot during my teenage years. I also remember joy and learning, and several sections of my life appear to have been carved out that way. Joy is learning, most certainly through it all.

I was trying to believe in the Christian God still. I was no particular sect of Christian by this point. I figured enough people around me believed in a creator God, so why not? But you have questions…

Oh, my sweet, you were so good at asking why of the universe but, why you? Why did you long for just one close friend? You’ll have many friendships over the years, some friendships lasting years, some very close then drifting to acquaintance then back to close. People change and you are people. I am convinced that ONE girl you can tell everything to is a figment of fiction.

And back to the anger. And judgment. Judgment is a tough one you will struggle with for many years. You will learn to not let your judgments dictate your actions, but your haven’t yet learned to not judge in your mind. You life your live, not anyone else’s.

This feeling of being so close to people you’ve never physically met is called a parasocial relationship. We have them with celebrities, pen-pals, characters in books, and in correspondence with mentors. (And a new whole dynamic will be added to relationships in just a short while following your journals.)

Keep asking questions and being curious. I know you’ll keep judging and putting qualities to circumstances. Not everything needs to be qualified. Not every question needs an answer either. Be curious for the sake of curious being.